“So do you have plans with your friends this evening?” I ask my daughter on our drive home from her tennis practice.
“Mom! I already told you this morning. Did you even listen?”
Sadly this type of situation has happened more times than I’d care to admit.
We’ve all done it. You know, “paid attention” to someone while they are talking and yet not really listen.
I’m a huge fan of the show “CBS Sunday Morning” and recently was hit upside the head (picture the 1978 commercial, “I could’ve had a V-8!) with its short little vignette about Al Nixon.
Who's Al Nixon?!
Tell me more.
Al Nixon is a resident of St. Petersburg, Florida, who routinely started going to the park every morning to “clear his head”. When one day a woman said to him, “Everday I see you, I know everything will be okay” he had an epiphany. All of the smiles and nonverbal acknowledgments he had given to others really did matter.
As Al explains,
"When you speak to someone or you smile, you let them know I value you. And people pick that up."
-Al Nixon
And with that new found knowledge, a park bench therapist was born.
Al is so good that sometimes he even has a line of residents wanting to talk with him!
When asked if she feels weird sharing all of her secrets to a guy on a bench, one of Al’s regulars replies, “No, because he’ll never judge me and he always shoots me straight”.
Which makes me wonder if it's possible to clone Al Nixon...
The little things like:
- Nodding your head
- Leaning in
- Doing a head tilt
- Adding some vocal words of encouragement like umm-hmm, sure, and yes…
all make such a GIGANTIC difference.
Nonverbals are critical to making others feel heard.
Per Al...
"Listening is the number one skill all mankind needs to know how to do very well."
-Al Nixon
Two thoughts to ponder as you go about your day:
How are you making people feel?
What tweaks can you make to level up your listening skills?
If you want to be inspired and check out Al’s nonverbal moves, watch the CBS story and see him in action yourself.
Your co-pilot, (who’d like to share one last “Al” ism and say, “You matter to me”),
P.S.
What’s your favorite listening tip?
Let me know what you do to show others you are genuinely listening.