I remember seeing the movie “The Joy Luck Club” when it came out in 1993. My younger self thought it was “the best film ever”. The movie was beautiful, poignant, tragic, and hopeful all rolled into one which is just what I craved as a young adult. These days I’m just fine with a well-crafted documentary where I learn a few things. But back then, I needed to feel things deeply, and “The Joy Luck Club” delivered.
Twenty-eight years later, I can’t recall many of the details of the movie but I’ve never forgotten the “crab quality speech” scene. It’s epic. And it makes me cry every time.
If you haven’t seen the film or read the book, I'm happy to get you up to speed! Just check out the summary below to make sense of things.
Here’s the backstory as summarized by Jenkins in his blog post (warning swear word alert). He does a great job recapping the storyline so I’m willing to overlook the language!
“Waverly and June have been friends and rivals since early childhood. Growing up, their mothers were in the habit of comparing the two girls’ accomplishments in ruthless public bragging competitions, so the daughters were constantly under pressure to measure up to one another. Now they’re grown up and Waverly’s become some sort of sexy 90s business professional while June is this chirpy, turtleneck-wearing freelance writer with side bangs. The two moms and their daughters have just sat down to a nice crab dinner when Waverly insults some freelance work that June did for her company, saying it lacks sophistication and style. The girls argue until June’s mom steps in and just completely stabs the shit out of her daughter’s back:
Suyuan: True, cannot teach style. June not like Waverly. Must be born this way.
Later, while June and Suyuan are cleaning up from the dinner party, June confronts her mother about her lofty expectations and perpetual disappointment. Mom fires back with one glorious doozy of a monologue referred to in film circles as the “crab quality speech.” Let’s listen in:
June: Every time you hope for something I can’t deliver, it hurts. And no matter what you hope for, I’ll never be more than what I am. And you never see that—what I really am.
Suyuan: June, since your baby time, I wear this next to my heart. Now you wear next to yours. It will help you know I see you. I see you. That bad crab, only you tried to take it. Everybody else want best quality. You, you thinking different. Waverly took best quality crab, you took worst, because you have best quality heart. You have style no one can teach. Must be born this way. I see you.”
Those three words, “I see you”.
As Amy Tan, the author, says:
Feeling seen and heard are what everyone wants to feel.
It’s what makes the scene and it’s why the movie is so powerful because as human beings we all have inherent worth and dignity.
When you really see someone and give them the respect they deserve, it’s the ultimate gift.
We can do this verbally AND nonverbally. Really showing the other person you care and are listening to them shows them that they matter. That they are valued.
If we all gave each other verbal and nonverbal respect I believe the world would be a better place.
Can you even believe that the best gift is actually free?
This makes me feel both joyful and lucky!
Your co-pilot, (who will be rewatching the movie and picking up a copy of Amy Tan’s book),
P.S.
If you or your company would like to know more about making people feel seen and heard, we should talk!