It might be the nicer weather.
It might be that I ran into some friendly people.
It might be that people are feeling super social after being cooped up for a year.
Dunno.
In any case, my two recent “outside of my house” trips involved a lively, masked banter with a stranger. |
One.
At the grocery store, a woman asked me if I knew where the cheesecake was since the store had recently done a huge remodel. I didn’t… yet this exchange ensued:
Nice Lady: “It was the best cheesecake and it’s my boyfriend’s favorite. I’m hoping it’s still here!”
Me: “Did you try the back wall? And when did the store remodel? I clearly haven’t been out in a while!”
Nice Lady: “Just a few months ago. Isn’t it great?”
Me: “I love it but haven’t been able to find the mint cookies. Any clue where those are?”
Nice Lady: “I don’t think they carry them anymore but the Dollar Store has really good fudge mint cookies you should try!”
We chatted until we found the cheesecake and I’m happy to report that it included several varieties in one container AND it was a screaming deal!
Two.
A day later a trip to the gas station found me in a conversation with a guy named Jacob. I was looking for the hot chocolate dispenser (my hubby’s favorite) while my husband gassed up our vehicle. After unsuccessfully scanning the large wall of hot drinks, I asked a guy near me for direction. He pointed to the dispenser and the following exchange occurred:
Me: “And what’s the best coffee option? Any recommendations?”
Jacob: “I swear by ¾ French Vanilla coffee and ¼ Hot Chocolate.”
Me: “That sounds delicious! I believe it’s called a Mocha…yes? ”
Jacob: “Is that, right? I didn’t know it had a name”
Me: “Well, what’s your name?”
Jacob: “Jacob.”
Me: “From this day forward I’m calling it ‘The Jacob’”
Jacob: Great! Laughing with wrinkles by his eyes (aka genuine smiling)
These types of interactions baffle my husband.
Interactions don’t have to be hard. The trick is to have a back and forth--you throw me the ball and I throw it back. Repeat. This is easier said than done for some people, however.
My husband isn’t antisocial but “small talk” is his kryptonite. So much so that for many years I cut his hair because he didn’t want to have to chat with the barber (it’s a non-issue now since he’s bald). But still…such discomfort about a conversation!
A few tips if you struggle with conversations!
Some Don'ts:
Avoid boring, autopilot topics that produce a canned response. These types of questions get you nowhere fast.
What do you do?
How are you?
Where are you from?
Don’t be impersonal. Show some character. The goal is to wake up the other person’s brain.
Some Do’s:
Let’s use the Jacob conversation to demonstrate:
Utilize open-ended questions. Yes or no answers end things!
In our exchange “What’s the best coffee option? Any recommendations?” requires an actual answer, not just a one-word response.
Ask follow-up questions. I’m throwing the ball back to Jacob.
“I believe it’s called a Mocha…yes?” This is a cue for the other person to continue.
Make it personal.
Admittedly I was a bit forward asking “What’s your name?” but it made the interaction feel more like a conversation than small talk because it was tied back to Jacob.
Be engaging.
By showing some personality and saying “From this day forward I’m calling it “The Jacob”, the interaction felt more interesting.
AND… Jacob was super engaging when he said “I swear by ¾ French Vanilla coffee and ¼ Hot Chocolate.” He could have easily said:
“I don’t have a favorite”
“I’m not sure”
“Coffee is coffee”
These answers would have ended our conversation but this was an easy toss back to me.
Well played, Jacob!
Making tiny tweaks to up your conversation game keeps moving you in the right direction.
The nice lady at the grocery store and Jacob were both pros at small talk because they knew how to throw the conversational ball back and forth. And when you know how to throw the ball back and forth, that leads to better and deeper conversation. And if you are someone who detests small talk, learning how to move to the next level of conversation is a good thing! It means you can start to talk about things that are interesting and matter to you.
If you want to learn more (or know someone who can benefit from a few conversation pointers!), grab my free “Conversation Starters” download for some further examples. It even includes a cheat sheet you can use before heading to the next event that requires you to be in the thick of it!
Your co-pilot (who is metaphorically throwing the ball back to you),
