I’m a “mature woman” and yet I continue to be surprised when a situation pops up and I immediately revert to my middle and high school mentality. My youthful feedback loop and self-talk are still there yapping away like some caffeinated chimpanzees.
For me, it’s my feeling of insecurity.
Recently I was on a call with an acquaintance who started asking me a lot of questions about my business model and plans for marketing and growth when it happened yet again.
I started to feel very small.
The same feeling I had as a young teenager when I felt threatened and insecure.
I questioned my abilities and self-worth.
I mean, where is Kayne West when you need some confidence?!
I muttered things like:
Who do you think you are starting your own business?
No one wants help with people skills!
Why would someone pay YOU?
You don’t have half the credentials you need to be successful.
(another reference that dates me)
My best guess is that it never really goes away but that it can fade.
Significantly.
In this most recent case, my insecurities popped up and I was able to quickly (okay, it took a little bit) and efficiently move on.
But that didn’t happen overnight.
Important to note:
This is a vast improvement from my younger days where a negative comment or challenging thought was like a stick of dynamite going off in my brain-- I was left picking up the pieces for days.
- I spent my 20’s figuring out who I was. I did a lot of reading and experimenting with what seemed to feel like myself (because my natural MO is to be a people pleaser–is that okay?).
- I spent my 30’s in a whirlwind of trying to balance raising a family while trying to grow and challenge myself at work. I continued to do self-development classes and read a lot but in reality, there wasn’t much time.
- In my 40’s I began to lean into my strengths and started to believe in myself much more. Maybe I wasn’t gifted in math and science but my people skills were important and worthy of attention. I invested and learned more. And I became a certified body language trainer because what better way to learn how to navigate the murky waters of people and social interactions?
- Now in my 50’s I’ve consciously decided to embrace my insecurities AND my abilities. I realized that there are no guarantees but not trying something and having regrets in life seems like a much worse fate.
My biggest embraces were:
- Leaving my job of 26 years (with no backup plan!) when the leadership was no longer in alignment with my values.
- Instead of working for someone else, deciding to start my own business when my cool, new job (the “no backup plan” situation led to a great, albeit short, opportunity) was eliminated.
- Giving presentations (the scary public speaking thing!) to larger and larger groups. This is far cry from the anxiety-producing moments when a teacher would call on me.
The body language I’ve learned has been my foundation.
My version of amour.
My magic bullet for knowing how to interact with others.
I can hold up my confidence shield on command.
Protect myself with my conversational skills.
Put on my HD glasses and see interactions more clearly.
And spritz myself with charisma as needed.
Thank goodness for the tools l’ve been able to learn and now share with others.
- I’ve met people who struggle to connect with others.
- People who unwittingly come across as arrogant and unapproachable.
- People who feel insecure or unworthy.
We all have our battles.
What’s “the thing” for you?
What’s the feedback loop you’re trapped in?
What strategies have you tried that have been successful?
Have you been able to “let it go?”
Your co-pilot (who wishes she would have learned body language many moons ago and who now has the Frozen theme song stuck in her head),
