Pull up a chair and let’s talk!
What’s better, milk chocolate or dark chocolate?
What’s the better TV show– Friends or The Office?
What are the qualities you look for in a boss? The person who lives by the phrase, “I wouldn’t let the inmates run the prison”? Or, the person who makes you feel seen and heard?
The correct answers are:
Dark chocolate.
The Office.
The person who makes you feel seen and heard.
Sigh.
Fun fact, I actually was told the above statement about the “inmates running the prison” by a colleague.
Wanna hear the backstory?
In a previous life…
I managed a training department and supervised a group of instructors. One of the instructors had recently lost her husband to cancer and was experiencing severe depression and anxiety. She was clearly struggling to function and her work performance was less than stellar.
As a supervisor, I needed to protect the integrity of our program. Being late to class with scattered thinking while teaching was not acceptable. I needed to address these issues.
As a caring human being, however, I also wanted to make sure that I supported and helped the employee in every way possible.
- Was she getting the support she needed?
- Had she contacted EAP?
- What could I do personally to be supportive?
- Would it help to get a call the day before reminding her of the upcoming class?
Compassionate discipline was my objective.
And then it happened.
One night the employee came into work after hours to prep for an upcoming class and her presence in the building triggered the alarm system before she could turn it off. This alerted the security company that then called the facilities manager. Needless to say, it was an unwelcome call in the evening that required a drive to work to investigate. Not cool!
This led the Manager of the said department to march into my office the next day and stand in my doorway to tell me how I was doing my job poorly and also point out that I was allowing the “inmates to run the prison”.
Prior to the “incident”, I knew the other manager and I had different leadership styles and I knew that I wasn’t going to change his perception of me and my approach to leadership.
So when he stated, “If it was me, I wouldn’t let the inmates run the prison!” I simply tilted my head (to show I was listening and to soften the impact) and respectfully and genuinely said, “I know”.
And that was it.
I chose compassionate discipline over the “do it my way or else” approach.
And yes, the employee eventually did need to leave the company. I like to think that it felt understandable despite the difficult circumstances because the discipline process was linear, each incident clearly explained and reviewed and each step of the way the employee was listened to and heard.
It wasn’t a happy ending (darn you Disney for unrealistic portrayals of life!) but it did feel reasonable and fair.
So here is my take on leadership
(steps up on the soapbox and clears throat)…
When we lead with compassion, it doesn’t mean that we let others call all of the shots and walk all over us. Instead, it means that we do our jobs by taking time to understand the other person and give grace to some of the struggles they might be facing.
It’s empathy.
It’s compassion.
It’s integrity.
It’s respect.
We do this with our words and actions. This includes our nonverbals.
Pro tip... standing in a doorway with feet spread apart and hands on the doorframe, doesn’t endear camaraderie.
There is power in giving respect. You can gain more by working alongside someone instead of only working above them.
When someone tells you what to do without considering your ideas or suggestions or just looks out for themselves and what their job description says, that’s NOT leadership. It’s power and control.
I recently saw this LinkedIn poll that supports my beliefs about what employees and businesses are currently craving.
Company culture and communication top the list of what people want from an employer.
Mic drop.
(Steps down from soapbox)
Your co-pilot (who is cleansing the bad taste left in her mouth over the inmate comment by sipping a refreshing fizzy drink),
