Do People Like You? | Body Language Blueprints

Do They Really, Really Like You?

Here’s the deal, we are hard-wired to belong and connect.

(Hello there Sally Field Oscar’s speech “You like me, you really like me!”).

I ran across an interesting study.

We all need to belong.

It’s central to our well-being.

It’s no surprise then that researchers found some hard science that backs up our need to connect and belong.

Tristen Inagaki and Naomi Eisenberger did a study where they looked at our brains and:

“What they found was that the human brain’s reward system responds to positive feedback, an intangible stimulus, in practically the same way as a physical stimulus, like eating your favourite ice cream.”

In the study “participants’ friends, family and significant others were asked to write two letters: one unemotional letter (containing statements such as “you have brown hair”) and one letter expressing positive emotions for the participant (for example, “you are the only person who has ever cared for me more than yourself”). Subjects would then lie in an fMRI scanner while reading these letters from people they care about most.”

(Note visual translation below)

In brief, the positive emotional statements mattered.

A lot.

In a follow-up study, Matthew D. Lieberman and Elizabeth Castle found that:

“In the end, a large proportion of participants were willing to give back their entire payment for the study just to get to see these special words. We may give lip service to the power of money, but the power of knowing we are loved can be just as potent.”

Think about it.

Have you ever saved a thank you note?

Shared a compliment you received with a friend?

Cherished a testimonial written about you?

My hunch is that you have which bodes the question:

Are you using kind words?

Sharing positive feedback routinely (not just during performance evals)?

Taking the time to recognize others for their contributions?

If not, start now!

If you're skimming, here's the nugget.

Positive social feedback is such a strong reinforcer!

And this is a huge indicator of if you are liked...or not.

As psychologist Dr Martyn Newman says:

“People will work hard for you in direct proportion to how much they like you, and they will like you in direct proportion to how you make them feel.”

And the way to connect with others and make them feel seen and heard requires people skills and emotional intelligence.

The thing is, we aren’t taught these types of skills in school—you know, people skills.

This is why I love that you want to learn more about communication and how it affects our relationships.

Thank you for being a personal development junkie.

Your co-pilot (who wants you to know how much she appreciates you reading and learning alongside her!),

P.S.

What is your biggest people skill challenge?

I’d love to hear what you struggle with the most.

Is it having a tough conversation?

Or understanding the nonverbal cues around you?

Or perhaps is not knowing how you are perceived by others.

Tell me and I’ll get busy sharing tips and science that can help!