“Some teenagers approached me while I was out on my walk and said that a woman had made racial slurs towards them. The one kid looked like he was about to cry”, my 81-year-old dad tells me over the phone.
I immediately begin peppering him with questions and learn that it was a group of teenage boys and that a woman had driven by and shouted some racist comments at the group.
According to my dad, he wasn’t sure what to do.
He asked if they had been “behaving” and they told him “yes”.
He talked with them about contacting the police but ultimately they all decided not to.
So my dad talked with them, listened, and tried to provide some verbal support.
Yet he left the situation feeling like he could have responded better.
He wasn't sure how he should have handled the situation. So he kept replaying the scene over and over in his mind.
I've done this 1,000,000,483 times myself.
Tell me you can relate.
For example when someone asks you to:
- Say a few words
- Weigh in on a topic
- Make a toast
- Conduct a disciplinary session
- “Tell me about yourself”
Or when you are asked a question that catches you off guard and you fumble for an answer.
Hypothetically…
Like when your previous boss comes back to the department you work in and the CEO asks you if you are excited. You are not so you pause just a little too long and unconvincingly say, Yes…?”
Oops!
We end up replaying the scario over and over and trying out different endings.
It’s impossible to prevent every situation but there are things we can do to prepare in advance.
A lot of it has to do with crafting our messaging and making sure we are comfortable with how we are showing up.
And, yes, this means being aware of our nonverbals.
It requires practice.
When we anticipate situations we can begin to practice in advance.
It requires planning (sigh) but it can help with limiting the dreaded replays.
Consider and think about the situations you wish you had a script for.
Start thinking about what situations you are likely to encounter and begin working on your:
Script
Competence cues
Warmth cues
Interesting questions and conversation starters
Vocal power
Likability cues
Yes, working on your body language takes time and effort.
It requires daily work on yourself.
Honing observational skills.
Sharpening your self-awareness.
Practicing speaking skills.
And, making mistakes and learning from them.
Social dynamics are rarely taught in school yet communication skills are a critical life skill to develop.
It's well worth the effort.
Even at age 81.
My dad woke up the following morning still thinking about his interaction with the teenagers. He had played the scenario over many times in his head and now has different things he would say and do.
And now he hopes their paths cross again (literally!) and feels better equipped should they meet again.
Time and practice allow for more thoughtful and prepared responses.
If you want a little help with a situation (or fear you might encounter one), or just want to run a situation past me, you know where to find me.
You’ve got this!
Your co-pilot (who still cringes thinking about her unintentional and very telling response to the CEO. Hypothetically… of course),
P.S.
I’d love to hear about the time you said or did something and wish you had been better prepared.
What situations do you wish you had a script for?!
I’d love to create a guide and would appreciate your help.
Real life situations = Scripts & Templates!
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