A girl walks into a bar.
She scans the room and doesn’t recognize a soul.
She feels uncomfortable.
She wants to leave.
But she can’t.
The end.
I would insert a punch line here but sadly, this isn't a joke.
(Sorry if you feel punked.)
The backstory.
Years ago I attended a bridal shower for one of my husband’s employees. I knew the bride but would file our relationship under the “friendly acquaintance” category. Clearly, there were niceties at play here.
Since the wedding couple met at a bar and were now purchasing the said bar, it made sense to host their wedding shower there.
So...
I’m in the bar scanning the room and hoping to find one person I know.
I see no one.
Nada.
Bupkis.
I make my way to the bartender and order a drink (liquid courage!) hoping more people arrive but when I turn around to face the group, I still don’t know anyone.
Everyone is talking and engaging with others.
I feel invisible.
I feel awkward.
Eventually, I decide to put on my big girl pants and choose the friendliest-looking group to approach (see how important nonverbals are!)
“You look like a fun group!” I say. “Any chance I can join you?”
Thankfully, the group has mercy on me and includes me in the conversation. I mean, what are they going to say, “No, you can’t join us?”
This interaction happened about 10 years ago yet I still remember it vividly.
It’s the moment of social awkwardness and anxiety that we often feel in new situations.
Which got me thinking about starting a new job and what we are doing to make the other person feel welcome.
With The Great Resignation and equity, belonging, and inclusion, still enormous challenges, learning how to make others feel welcome and part of the group is critical.
Thought Experiment Time.
Think back to the feelings you had when faced with a similar situation
(i.e. you were the new person or you didn’t know anyone at a gathering).
What comes up for you?
What would have made you feel welcome?
What emotional courage did it require from you?
How does this apply to you now?
How are you welcoming others in your life?
Happily, there are a lot of things a person and company can do to tap into the need to belong and leverage it to create a positive environment.
For starters:
- Body language cues can be learned to promote openness and engagement.
- Pre-boarding tasks can take place prior to the person’s first day (hello personalized welcome video and/or welcome note!)
- Common ground can be found with the new employee over lunch or coffee
- Positive words can be used to prime the employee for early success
- Strategic mentors and onboarding guides can be used to build confidence and connection
- Making the onboarding process fun not only wakes the person’s brain up but also provides a hit of dopamine.
When you are aware of the messages that are being sent out, you can be intentional and create the environment and vibe of your choosing.
And good news!
If you’ve been dying to be a superhero, buckle up because here’s your big chance. If you can rescue a person during these types of moments, you immediately become a hero!
We’ll talk more about this next time, but learning the “ins and outs” of nonverbal communication is a fantastic place to start!
Your co-pilot (who is sending welcoming and inclusive nonverbals your way!), |
P.S.
Tell me:
- About a time when you felt socially awkward and in need of a friend.
- Did anyone come to your rescue?
- What strategies did you use to muddle through?