How do they do it?
They, meaning interesting people! And more importantly, if I buy Dos Equis, will I be more interesting? Score one for the Dos Equis marketing team…
As a woman who has always been on the hunt for a confidence pill… or shot, or ointment, or perfume, or… I’ve always been intrigued by the magic that interesting people exhibit since it goes hand in hand with confidence.
My quest for understanding body language has taught me much and has nourished my little buds of confidence and helped them to grow into my own bouquet of flowers. It’s taken intention, practice, and dedication. And it’s taken me getting out of my comfort zone and into actually trying new things.
Which is the secret sauce to being interesting.
Truth:
We are drawn to people and things that wake our brains up!
Truth Bomb:
When we are lazy and go into autopilot, we are uninteresting.
Example:
You run into an old classmate and this conversation takes place:
You: “Hey, good seeing you, it’s been forever! How was your weekend?”
Them: “It was okay.”
You: “What did you do?”
Them: “Nothing really. Same old.”
Or this conversation cul de sac:
You: “What are you reading these days?”
Them: “Nothing, I don’t like reading.”
You: “Seen any good movies lately?”
Them: “Nah, there’s nothing good to see.”
I find these types of conversation exchanges enraging (okay, that word might be a bit dramatic) since the person is expecting you to do all of the work—carry the conversation, entertain them, show interest and engagement. These conversations are draining and make me want to go home, eat a bowl of sherbet and some animal crackers, and call it a day. It’s too much to ask of another person!
So what are some things we can do to be more interesting?
1. Stop asking boring questions!
“What do you do?”
“Where are you from?”
“What brings you here?”
“How’s your morning going so far?”
When you hear a question like this, are you already bored by the end of the question? I know I am!
Author and humorist David Sedaris says this about questions: “If you’ve heard them in a hotel or store, forget it. There’s no place to go with those questions”. Instead try to to “wake people up” by asking a unique or thought provoking question. Questions that require the person to think and scan their brains for the positives create a more interesting and engaging conversation.
Examples:
- “What was the highlight of your day?”
- “Have anything exciting coming up?”
- “What personal projects are you working on?”
During the pandemic, I subscribed to Masterclass because I insist on coming out of quarantine with some new skills! Recently, I watched David Sedaris teach a session in his Masterclass about “Observing the World”. In it, he talks about asking unique questions (which in his case are outlandish–he’s a humorist!), because in doing so there is the opportunity to be truly delighted and learn something interesting about the other person. The examples he gives in his class are:
- “Have you ever run for office?”
- “Do you know many doctors?”
- “When’s the last time you touched a monkey?”
- “How many people do you know in wheelchairs?”
He admits that you don’t always “hit gold” but that breaking out of small talk is critical to a good and memorable interaction.
2. Stop doing boring things and consume interesting things.
What you consume makes up who you are!
Here’s some questions for you. Do you:
- Watch the same TV shows everyday?
- Eat at the same places?
- Vacation at the same spots?
- Spend hours checking your social media feeds?
If so, it’s time to make some changes and get out of your default settings!
Instead:
- Don’t watch what everyone else is watching. Be different.
- Try new things. It’s super easy to check out a new restaurant.
- Create a bucket list of things to do and learn.
- Sign up for a new class and tackle that thing you’ve always wanted to try.
- Watch a movie genre you normally wouldn’t watch.
- Seek out new experiences. Our family likes to host exchange students and has learned a ton from each student.
Consider:
- Asking a role model for a movie or book recommendation.
- Reading the news source opposite of your views to see what you can learn.
- Taking a new class (like Masterclass–I now know many more things including how to make a mean cocktail!)
- Reading some conversation worthy books like:
The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell (and he has a Masterclass as well!)
Blink, also by Malcom Gladwell
Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
Captivate by Vanessa VanEdwards (my body language teacher and mentor!)
Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely
3. Be an interesting detective.
If you expect people to be interesting, they often rise to the occasion.
Ask people about the interesting things they are consuming.
- How they think
- What they think
- What intrigues them
- What they are learning
- How they learn
4. Hang out with interesting people.
Interesting people encourage each other to do interesting things.
Answer these questions:
- Who is the most interesting person you know?
- Who is the funniest person you know?
- Who is the most well-read person you know?
- Who is the most well-traveled person you know?
- Who is the strangest person you know?
Now go hang out with these people! The people you listed are your interesting tribe! Reach out to them and make time to connect.
The answer to the question, “How can I be interesting?”
You need to be in the world and you need to be engaged (get your nose out of your phone!). Understanding people skills gives you much more awareness and confidence in interacting with others. And with knowledge and practice, you too might find yourself in a Dos Equis ad.
In the meantime, enjoy trying new things and let me know how it goes! And contact me with any questions–just make sure they are interesting!
P.S.
Check out my body language classes—they’re interesting too!