A few weeks ago I had an unfortunate accident.
I spilled a bottle of balsamic vinegar and some olive oil in the backseat of my car.
The upholstery is fabric.
Oh, snap!
After a futile attempt to clean the spill, I contacted an auto detailer and paid to have my car professionally cleaned.
Twice.
It went from smelling like The Olive Garden to a raw pumpkin smell (think carving your Halloween Jack-O-Lantern).
This led me to the Auto Zone where I bought a heavy-duty air fresher. The manager helping me suggested the scent “Fiji Sunset” and told me that it would help get the smell out of the car vents.
He went through the details of how to deploy the air freshener and then added,
“This is an intense air freshener so for about a week after using it you will feel like ‘it’s punching you in the face’ when you get in the car.”
He was right.
It was a "punch in the face" for several days.
And I was prepared for it.
What I wasn’t expecting was another punch in the face when my friend Adam and I grabbed pizza recently and he started talking about the “Dunning-Kruger Effect”.
(Thanks, Adam.)
I’ll save you from Googling Dunning-Kruger Effect and summarize it for you via The Decision Lab article:
“The Dunning-Kruger effect effect occurs when a person’s lack of knowledge and skills in a certain area cause them to overestimate their own competence. By contrast, this effect also causes those who excel in a given area to think the task is simple for everyone, and underestimate their relative abilities as well.”
In other words, it’s that thing that often happens when you learn a new skill or topic…
You start to grasp new information and believe you know a lot about the topic and have superior knowledge (#Teenagers). But then, as you learn more, you understand that it’s much more complex and in reality, you don’t know as much as you thought.
Discussing this concept with Adam immediately took me back to my study of nonverbal communication.
When I started learning about body language I felt so empowered. I was practicing my skills and feeling confident about my progress and impact in various situations. I felt like I knew so much and happily shared my newfound learnings with anyone willing to listen (sorry if that was you)!
Until I realized it was a lot more complicated.
Because…
- Behavior isn’t binary
- Cultures are different
- Personalities are different
- Body language isn’t mind reading
- Cues are merely clues
Fast forward to today where I continue to learn and grow and am much more aware of how much I don’t know.
And that’s okay.
I can share my wisdom and still have a deep understanding of how human connection works while also being aware of the science and research yet to come.
And just like spilling balsamic vinegar in the back seat of your car… work, tools, and professionals can help to improve the situation. Even if it requires several attempts.
Your co-pilot (who just bought another can of Fiji Sunset and changed the car filter because she’s caught a few whiffs of something again),
P.S.
Keep working on your personal development abilities. Human connection is a pivotal life skill!